Bad Habits -- You'd think by now I would learn what not to do!

Ok I have this bad habit of hurting the ones I love by saying mean things to them when I am upset. I did something I should not have done (snoop through letters & notes that were not mine to look at) then I got super upset over what was in them and proceeded to bite the head off of the person they were addressed to. I know it is stupid for me to get pissed off when I am reading things I am not supposed to because hell if I was supposed to read them then more than likely I would not be pissed off at what they said. Ok so that does not justify my actions I do understand that. But I think I shoved my foot deep down my throat with the things I said to the person the letters/notes were addressed to... to the point where basically I got told to "go to hell and we never have to talk again"... since I obviously think little of the relationship between me and the addressee. Wait though that is not the case... I got upset because of the relationship we had and the things in the letters/notes seemed to contradict that majorly!

I don't know what I am supposed to do! While I am really upset (fighting back tears all day long over the hurt feelings) I don't want to ruin the relationship/friendship with the addressee. But I think I seriously injured it and they are not even upset that I read the letters/notes! Just a what came out of my mouth when I was upset about them. One of these days I will learn tact - my dad tried to beat it into me with a belt all the time growing up and some days I think I have it down. But when it comes to my friends I so often say things that hurt them and I understand this obsession with hurting those I love only because I feel comfortable enough to really tell them what I think/say.

And I had been doing so good with ignoring annoying things (flirting /little girly girls) with this person because it was not my place to have an opinion on what they do with their free time. But this was just too much and so I gave up my resolution of trying to play everything off as a joke (because it is always easier to laugh at yourself then really tell people how you feel) and laid it all out there. I am really scared that I messed up more than I have ever done in my life - and trust me I have done some stupid shit when it comes to relationships in my life! I am not sure how this relationship can go on from here without being seriously injured or guarded for a long time. I don't want to lose this relationship/friendship at all and it kills me to think that I probably have. But the worst part is the go to hell part was said because I mentioned money... not because of the mean things I said about the things in the letters but over money! To lose a friendship over something so so so stupid is ridiculous!

I am hurting pretty bad right now. I have been crying all day long and I am really scared. This person means so much to me and if I lost them... well then I have lost everything that means anything to me in this life. Honestly it would make a few bad decisions very easy to make if I lost this person in my life. And it scares me that I am even thinking things like that... because it would be enough to make those decisions for me and make it easy to follow through.

I won! I won! I won!

One of the local radio stations was having this giveaway where they are giving 20 prize packages away. The prize... a day-trip to the Kansas City Area to go gambling with a friend which includes the bus ride, some spending money and dinner. While they are there they will also be giving away other prizes. Well I signed up because my great grandma loves - obsessed loves - to go gambling and I have not had alot of extra money plus a trip where I don't have to drive why not? Well.... I WON!!!!! I have not called her yet but I will on my lunch break... she will be so excited! Now the only problem will be getting her up and around and to the pickup point for the bus by 7:30 in the morning.



My boss is great... originally I was supposed to work a financial aid event this sunday because Newman is the site host. But she was really understanding about it. In all honesty I would not have signed up if I had known the trip was for the Sunday... but I am now glad I did! Now I just hope the bad weather is gone before Sunday or otherwise it will be a long drive sitting next to my worrying Mimi Doll!

Guess it is a good thing that I got my KS refund back already cause I don't have alot of $ right now due to endless Doctor bills! So I am really excited!!!

Snow day and volunteer stuff = I have been busy

Ok so yestersay I woke up at 4 in the morning with a Veggie Tales Silly Song stuck in my head... mind you I don't have children it's not like it was something I had hear recently. But it would not shut off so I could not get back to bed. Oh and yesterday it snowed and my work closed (best kind of phone call to get at 6 in the morning - then a call from my mom at 6:20 - then a call from mil at 6:30) so I spent the afternoon working on cards! I got about 40 done. Some of them have metalic embelishments on them. Well I drove to Home Depot and got a huge bunch of the Ralph Loren (sp?) metalic paint chip samples then ran them through my cuttlebug (wonderful christmas present from little brother) an it worked perfectly... see now I have even more of a reason to go to the hardware store to stock up on my free supplies! So if any of you visit home depot snag a couple for me! You might just get a pretty card out of the deal!

Oh and today I used my grommet kit to help make financial aid banners for work. My boss was so impressed with my talent... not sure how hard it is to hit something with a hammer but hey if she thinks it's talent I will take it!

Plus I have been working on cordinating a volunteer event for the women at my work (faculty staff and students) the Habitat for Humanity is having a Women Build project and so far I have over 30 people signed up! I am so excited to have such a great turnout. My work gives us 40 hours of paid volunteer time so I think I may spend an entire week helping to build the house. Plus since I am a team cordinator I have to volunteer if I have others signed up so I guess it is great I have the 40 hours. Oh and (I know just so many fun things) I am starting up for our schools Charity Silent Auction. This year we are raising money for the American Cancer Society and The Free Wheelchair Mission. It was started by an alum of Newman University (where I work and am an alum twice over) and if you are interested in learning more you can visit here: http://www.freewheelchairmission.org/. It seems like a really worthwhile cause so I am excited to get started on that. As soon as the date is ok'ed by the higher ups then I get to start soliciting donations... that is always the fun part. No I take it back when the donations start to come in that is the fun part... kinda like christmas even though I can't keep any of them.

Everyone have a wonderful weekend.

Taxes..Check. Baby Brother's 21st B-Day... Sad Check.

Well I just did my taxes... I thought it would be a little worse this year cause Tyler did not want to file together, thought we were getting screwed on the refund. Well it turns out I was getting screwed out of my refund because his old boss took no where near the amount taxes that he should have. Poor Tyler ended up owing about $350 while I am getting a $1000+ refund. Go me! So mine are all done and he has to recheck his and figure out how he wants to go about paying them. But the refund I get is just going to pay down a credit card... sadly it has gotten way way way out of control with doctors visits and medicine every few days. So even with the huge help it will still be sky high. Oh well.

Well the time is finally here... my baby brother turns 21 on Saturday. Can't be 21 cause I still remember beating up on him... now he stands over a foot taller than me... whats up with that? He is having a big 21st b-day bash... should be fun to go to. I felt obligated to invite Tyler so he can just suck it up if he goes cause I want to have a good time with or without him. This will be my first "party" I have ever been too... that is so pathetic I know. My little brother sure learned how to have more fun than I ever did.

Well just a short post for now... off to await the up to 6" of snow we are supposed to get tonight and tomorrow. Maybe I will be lucky and I will get a text on my cell phone in the morning saying that the school has closed due to inclement weather... hey a girl can dream right?

What did I do over the weekend?

Ok so I look back at my to-do list and lets see I did 3 1/2 of the things on the list. Ok so I was not as productive as I wanted to be but thats ok.

Sunday I went to breakfast with Tim. Some place down town called the Beacon. I had no clue it even existed... but obviously I was the only one cause it was crowded and we even ran into some of his friends. It is a good home cooking mom & pop kinda place. Got biscuits and gravy with country fried potatoes. Ok I guess I have just had Denny's country fried potatoes but these were different they had peppers and onions in them. They gave the potatoes a really good flavor but I picked around them... just not a huge pepper and onion bitter taste fan. Sorry. After that we hung out at his place reading the newspaper (I know so exciting) then we went to pick up his boss's grandson to take him to see Cloverfield.

Both before and after Niles (the kid) had us playing Halo 3. Wait I take that back I was playing be a target and they were playing Halo 3. The best I did was when Tim and Niles were in another room and I was shooting at their characters. But I had alot of fun playing it with them... I used to play Halo with my husband and his brother when they both lived with their parents... I actually go ok at it then at least I was a more interesting target then I was Sunday! Might have to dust off the xbox while Tyler is at work and get some skillz! Yeah ok I said skillz I am an old fogy now I guess. It was neat I have never seen how xbox live works and I was impressed. It was kinda funny cause some friend of Niles was on talking to him. When you have a chat link open the other persons voice comes out over the tv. Well this kid was singing to himself and we could hear it! Me and Tim were making faces at each other about ready to laugh cause it was hilarious... some little tune like "Mich---ael, Mi------chael." No clue who Michael is but he sure liked him. Niles is a real cute kid... but I am worried aobut him... he had Texas Chainsaw Massacre toys, and well I know what those did to my husband, I saw them when we first walked downstairs and Tim noticed them later and just gave me the big eyebrow lift like uh-oh. I just told Niles that those toys were neat just to make sure that he doesn't go overboard on them he will be fine. I know he was probably like --- ok crazy lady.

Cloverfield: Well lets see it is shot kinda as a first person film. Your supposed to believe that this guy who was filming a going away party is with it enough as a giant monster is attacking the city to keep the camera going because "People will want to know how it all went down". So if you are motion-sick inclined probably not your movie. Very jumpy and sometimes understand because they did a great job of making the whole handheld video camera thing believable. But overall the movie was just --- ehh take it or leave it. I don't know I guess I like movies that explain a lot. This movie starts at the party and then it goes to the end where it just cuts off. It's obvious what happened but I guess I just expected more. They never explained what the frick the monster was --- kinda looked like a bat with giant legs and a octopus tentacle tail. Then it dropped little monsters off of them that looked more like the spiders from the Harry Potter movie. One of their friends gets bit by the little creatures and for some reason she exploded? Did not see if it was because it laid eggs in her or what. It was really short only 1 hour 30 minutes... so it would be a good Palace aka cheap theater or a rental movie.

Yup that was my weekend. Oh Sunday night I ate Taco Bueno.... I don't think I will be eating there anytime soon. This is gross and tmi: but I was up until 3 am and Taco Bueno was exploding out of me at both ends. My wonderful oh so sweet and such an ass husband only said these two things to me. "That's gross" and "Don't break the toilet". Isn't that sweet of him?

It's Friday!

It's time to celebrate we'll have a good time! Ok so I really don't have any major fun plans for this weekend but I don't really care I can lounge around and veg out all weekend long. I might even be lazy and never get out of my pj's... who says you need to look good to go into public? Besides the look good part I never have down anyways so I don't think the pjs are going to ruin my image.

Here is my exciting weekend plans:
1) Go renew my Sam's Club membership --- I think my puppies will want food after tonight. Geez they are so demanding! Oh and I need more laundry detergent, got to smell good well that's not true cause I get the All Free & Clear kind that doesn't smell so I guess I have to settle with knowing that clothes are just clean. Plus I have to take one of the cars to get the tires rotated, Tyler tried but the membership expired so I needed to renew it before they would let us play spin the tires.

2) Circle of Friends Crop --- a group of us from work are going to be scrapbooking this weekend from 1-5 on Saturday. Will probably work on Tim's car album just to get it finished up. More thank likely I will be lazy and just do a bunch of cards to stockpile.

3) Get some stronger hair spike stuff --- got a haircut Wednesday night and wow it is short! Like the top of my head is like an inch... so I need to play around and see if I can make it work. I will have to try to take a picture to post so everyone can see how short it is now. I kinda look like I stuck my finger in a light socket!

4) Make more cookies --- this is about the only way (other than crying uncontrollably for hours) that I can make myself feel better. Luckily I don't have to eat them all to feel better either, just baking them does it.

5) This is really sad - don't laugh - put up my Christmas Tree --- yes I am super lazy and have not gotten my Christmas Tree put up yet. Just never feel like messing with it.

6) Finish up the tile in the bathroom --- only like 5 more tiles to lay but I am lazy and they require cutting so I have put it off.

7) Oh I am going to make t-shirts for the gals in the office to help celebrate Financial Aid Awareness Month! Really hope they turn out good cause I doubt I can find $2 t-shirts again for a while.

Yes, yes you now know where to hang out to take paparazzi pictures of me! I know my derriere will bring in big bucks from all the tabloids! Come on my hair is practically shaved off and well ok so that is the only thing like Britney that I have in common - thank goodness!

Well... So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye! Don't panic it is ok if the Sound of Music songs are popping into your head! Here's another --- Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens. Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens. Brown paper packages tied up with strings. These are a few of my favorite things.

Lazy Lazy Lazy

Ok so I have been really lazy and not posted anything lately. Why you ask... cause I just have not wanted to look at a computer anymore than I had too.

So what all have I done since I last posted? Well I graduated (at suma cum laude) and celebrated that. Um it was Christmas so I drove all around town, not sure how relaxing that was but it was nice to see all the family. I put new tile in my bathroom - although I have not completely finished that project because of some well bad thoughts that I was thinking while doing it. Oh and I started baking again!

Over the weekend I baked lots of muffins and 4 cookies short of 24 dozen cookies! Why? No reason really baking just makes me happy and so when I do it I really do it! I made some oatmeal dark chocolate chip cookies for Tim (best friend) and then I made alot of cookies that had both white chocolate chips and peanut butter chips in them. Once some of them are gone I am going to try creating my own recipes... thinking white chocolate chip macadamia nut peanut butter cookies and I also want to try making banana nut chocolate chip oatmeal cookies. Oh and I was thinking maybe cranberry white chocolate chip macadamia nut oatmeal cookies. Not sure how they will work out... any taste testers out there? Oh well I know that if they are really bad my dogs are more than happy to eat any mistakes and if they only have white chocolate in them then they can eat them.

Well I don't have alot else to say... going to try to keep up with this more now that I am at work and forced to sit in front of a computer all day long.