What's in a number? Ok alot when it comes to weight I guess

Ok have you ever had one of those moments when you just want to scream? Seriously I know I have been loosing weight lately – which is a good thing because I was over weight according to my doctors – but when someone keeps harassing you on it, well it is just annoying. I went to lunch yesterday with my husband, my mother-in-law, my sister-in-law and my cute as can be almost 1 year old niece. Well I saw my MIL & SIL in the parking lot. Well my MIL walked up to me and stood in front of me and said “you are getting skinny! Are you eating?” Ok first off I weigh like 145lbs not that skinny babe, granted in June I was up to 170lbs so it is much better than before. I was like yes I am eating. She would not let me move and goes “are you sure you are eating?” Well let’s think about this even if I was not eating do you think I would just admit that, come on now. So I reply yes I am eating. “Well what are you doing then?” I am simply eating until I am full, not king sizing my meals and then forcing myself to eat it all until I am so full and overstuffed that I feel sick. Before Halloween rolled around, with all of the readily available candy, I was also trying not to eat as much sweets and junk food.

I almost felt like I was being accused of being anorexic… which is funny because in high school I was and no one said boo. My freshman year in high school I weighed just under 200lbs and my boyfriend cheated on me with a gal who was way worse off than I was but it shattered what little self-esteem I had left so I basically stopped eating. All I would eat in a day was a small vending machine size pack of cheese-its and a diet coke. By the start of my sophomore year I was down to a size 5! Boy was I skinny! My friends from high school have talked to me about it in recent years and said they were worried about me and wanted to say something to my mom but never did. I just don’t get how when I was starving myself no one said anything but now that I am trying to actually keep weight off in a realistic manner of just eating until I am full I am getting attacked for not eating and doing something wrong.

I also did not want to tell her that in addition to eating right I am also not sitting on the couch all weekend long, while Tyler was at work, eating food cause I was bored out of my mind like I did up until the summertime. Now I am able to hang out with Tim for a portion of most weekends which keeps me busy and away from food and when I am still sitting at home I am making more of a conscious effort to not to just snack mindlessly. When I mention Tim she goes crazy - Did you ever want to marry him? (I am assuming this means past tense during high school so lets see other than the really short two weeks we dated my sophomore year when I did the silly girl thing of writing your name out with your boyfriends last name... no. Boy I would have a great last name by now if that was true let's see Saunders-Leal-Covey-Townsend-Ball-Carson yeah cause that would be great! Lol, besides Ball would be repeated so many times inbetween all the other names it would be annoying.) Do you wish it would have worked out? (Um we realized at the time that there was no way a relationship could or would work out between us and we both needed each other more as a friend than anything else, so no. Plus we were in high school god if I married any of the guys I dated seriously in high school I would be a very different person... lol probably bare foot, under educated, eating Fazolli's every meal and way below poverty line.) Does he have a girl friend yet? (What does it matter if he does or does not?) I almost want to answer yes to one of the first two questions to freak her out! Besides what kinds of sane woman asks her DIL those questions oh wait this is the same woman who from almost the first couple of months after we got married even up to now asks me at least once a month "Do you think you will get a divorce?" Oh well I know she means well and I love her to death, but I don’t need the 3rd degree every time I see her.

If you are interested in the progression of me from skinny to chunky to normal weight you can see it in these pictures. The first is from my wedding at like 125lbs on 1-1-05, second is from April of this year around 170lbs (cute “little” guy is my single brother who is a cook - oh and he is tickling me thats why I look goofy "right") and the last kinda blurry picture is from October of this year around 145lbs at a baby shower see you can see a little definition/outline to my body that was not there in April. Sorry I can’t find a better newer picture but I am never in front of the camera always behind it.